worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
