Someone shit on the floor
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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