dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
