I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
