mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
