she was so not down for the gang bang
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
