He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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