girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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