You just made me feel so damn special
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize