I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize