wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
