just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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