I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
