There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
where am i from again
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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