the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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