Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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