Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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