"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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