A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
