On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
