I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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