She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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