the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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