I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
