so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
