I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
