Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
