She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
