You're my little dorito
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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