her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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