My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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