Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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