everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize