A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
