He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
