i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
