I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
