I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
