I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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