so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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