Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
