i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
