I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
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I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
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Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.