Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.