that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
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We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night