I just threw up on my dentist
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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