apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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