I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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