Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
