I intend to get homeless drunk
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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