so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
