ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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