Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
