i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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