Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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