Me. At least after what I've been through.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
