How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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